I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
