did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
