Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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