I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
