Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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