i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
