overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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