did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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