Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
