She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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