a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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