i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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