the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize