I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize