I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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