I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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