Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
