There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
