is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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