its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
