just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
