I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
