I accidentally had phone sex last night
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
