Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
