Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
