The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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