Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
