I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
