I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
