So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize