Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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