I CAN MOONWALK!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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