how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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