i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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