I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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