capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
