I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
