The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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