Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
