So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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