he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
