I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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