If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
