I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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