Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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