I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
