Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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