I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
