ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
