Kiss
Puke
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize