For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize