grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
