can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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