youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There r osticjed everywhere
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
