Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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