saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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