I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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