got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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