his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
