does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
