On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize