it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
