I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
