i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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