Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You're earring is so big in my mouth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
