Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
