so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
