Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
