I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
